My friend encouraged me to write about this topic. She said that me doing so would enable her to read it on my blog. A small part of me suspects she just wanted me to quit texting her for the evening. In all honesty, I avoid broaching this subject with any human that doesn’t need to know because I suspect it will make them form an undesirable, or somewhat judgmental, opinion about me and my choices. As it turns out, this need-to-know basis solely covers humans who are preparing food or drink for me. I am not wealthy enough to hire a home chef (yet) and I reside with mostly teenagers who barely cook for themselves. So, I only introduce conversations about what drinks & foods I’m avoiding with my amigo guapo and the random servers I encounter each week. Oh, and I’ve discussed this with my one aforementioned friend who is interested enough to have recently asked me, “Does vegan cheese taste like ass?” If a person inquires, I consider the conversation fair game.
My timeline was nothing planned. Rather, every decision happened organically, when it naturally just felt right.
Have you ever had an on-again, off-again, relationship? I have. More than a few actually. My worst one wasn’t with a man, though, but instead, with liquor. My “off-again” times were enforced by me, a week off here and a month off there, just to make sure I could. I tried all the things: drinking water after each libation, eating a lot, and pledging to only drink a couple. Still yet, alcohol always ended up having the upper hand, until last October, when I finally drew the line. I blocked liquor’s number and unsubscribed to its emails after two beers resulted in a 4-day headache. I always knew a couple of hours of tipsiness wasn’t a fair trade for what I would experience the next day, and the day after that, and maybe the next couple of days beyond. Maya Angelou said, “When you know better, do better.” It was blatantly obvious that it was time I acted upon my knowledge. My decision was followed by skipping plenty of adult-beverage-drenched outings and reading many books, including:
- Dry (Augusten Burroughs)
- Blackout (Sarah Hepola)
- Quit Like a Woman (Holly Whitaker)
- Sober Curious (Ruby Warrington)
- Lit (Mary Karr)
- The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober (Catherine Gray)
These authors helped give me strength, simply in commonality. I discovered I’m a homebody and introvert without alcohol (who knew?!) but finally became comfortable enough to enjoy myself at gatherings in which I had to play spectator to a game I used to love to play.
I lost 10 pounds fairly quickly, but that wasn’t the point. I expected to feel great, but I mostly just felt good. When you stop intaking cocktails, you are in a constant search to find something different and tasty to quench your thirst. In an effort to find some healthy juicing recipes, I read Crazy Sexy Kitchen by Kris Carr. I remembered her story from a past episode of Oprah. This young lady fought cancer by becoming extremely deliberate of what she was putting in her body. This book planted a seed about vegetarianism, and also veganism, but I wasn’t ready to hear the latter. Then a friend mentioned Rory Freedman and Kim Barnbouin’s book, Skinny Bitch. I took the bait.
I stopped eating meat sometime in December. For all of my meat-eating years, most restaurants struggled with getting rid of the pink without charring, so it truly wasn’t a hard jump for me. I admit saying, at one point in my life, “I could mostly do without meat but sometimes I just want a juicy hamburger.” The literature I’d read helped me get over those sometimes. I tried one piece of delicious-smelling chicken in January. It was not gratifying, so that was that. And guess what I’ve learned! Everyone else is so preoccupied with what they are ordering off the menu, anticipating what they are about to shovel into their faces, that they don’t have the time to notice what’s on my plate. It’s like having my own healthy little secret that makes me the not-normal one at the table, which is a role that I have become very comfortable representing.
I lost another 10 pounds after stepping away from meat, but that wasn’t the point. I finally felt great. I didn’t feel bloated or puffy or swollen. I had to run to the restroom after completing my meal exactly zero times. But, I kept reading. The previous titles connected me to the following ones:
- The Skeptical Vegan (Eric Lindstrom)
- The China Study (T. Colin Campbell)
- The Food Revolution (John Robbins)
And I watched documentaries:
In August, I realized that I can’t unread what I’ve read. When I’ve mentioned even a small detail of what I’ve learned, I’ve been scoffed at with, “You believe that?” I don’t believe everything I read. For example, I’m currently on chapter 8 of The 5 am Club by Robin Sharma and I’m not convinced that waking up at 5 am is what my life needs to progress to the next level. In fact, I’m quite certain that on most days, I could use a little more sleep. But, as for what I put into my body, what I’ve read resonates and aligns with my thinking. I find it more difficult to be untrue to what I believe than to disregard what a bunch of scientists and doctors have offered concerning the link between what we consume and our health. We have a 17-year-old in the house who gave up gluten a year ago. He hasn’t budged even once on his new diet because he doesn’t want to risk not feeling good. This is the same for me, but simply with liquor, meat and dairy instead. He hasn’t been interrogated about what his diet is now lacking or what supplements he must take, an interesting notice, because the Protein Police are front and center in all conversations concerning an avoidance of animal meat. Maybe the meat and dairy marketers are simply better at their jobs than the grain team. (For the record, I am consistent with my B-12 supplement.)
After having gone full circle, we arrive back at the question, “Does vegan cheese taste like ass?” First, I have to wonder what it says about me that my friend thinks I would have any kind of background knowledge to be able to say what tastes similar to ass. Second, I feel like I’ve sampled a dairy cheese or two that tasted like ass regardless of their lack of animal milk (sorry Blue Cheese lovers, but yours takes the prize in this running). I’ve only been on this journey for a month, but I can absolutely say that it’s the exact same process as it was to find tasty gluten-free products: trial and error. At the end of this post, I’ve listed what’s been yummy and what hasn’t worked, in hopes that it saves someone a little cash along the trial and error path.
Speaking of trial and error, I must admit that I’m not 100% off cattle juice. My morning coffee needs to taste like liquid gold. I tried a coconut coffee creamer and an oat milk creamer and neither was able to get the job done. So, I start my day with a delicious Breve, containing half and half, and then follow with an entire day of trying my best to be consciously aware of what I intake. Still yet, even my most well-intentioned attempts are sometimes thwarted. For example, when I bought a box of yummy Zesty Jalapeno Triscuits recently, while munching along and contemplating how damned good they were, I took a gander at the ingredients. Despite the later-noticed drawing of cheese on the front of the box, I wouldn’t have guessed parmesan would be an ingredient. I would have guessed wrong. I’ll just pick a different snack choice next time. At a recent birthday celebration at Kumo, when they brought out my vegetable hibachi, I noticed fried eggs in the rice. Damn. Well, now I know.
I will readily admit that I have talked smack about vegetarians at some point over my last 48 years. In specific terms, I’ve called them “waifs” and said they need to just eat a burger already. On particularly high hormone days, I’m sure I said, “I could take them.” My amigo guapo asked if I remembered having said any of that. I do. I’ve also made some pretty dumb statements about alcohol, one being, “If you’re not puking, you’re just good and tipsy.” I didn’t know better, but now I do. My friend inquired if I feel any different with cleaner consumption. I feel healthy, clear-minded, energetic and light on my feet. With being the most mindful I’ve ever been about what I’m poking into my piehole, I feel confident and more in control of my health. I am very appreciative that my new discipline has forced me step outside the box of my normal choices as I’m trying new recipes and concoctions that I would have never given a chance. I’m not on a mission to convince anyone that my path is the right one for them. Isn’t it obvious that it’s hard enough for me to focus on what I’m eating to worry about what others ingest? However, when someone is experiencing health problems I make an internal wish that they will consider what they are using to fuel their body. The biggest drawback to this new way of life? My sweet dog, Zoey, is now skeptical of all foods that I offer. She only comes to share with me as a last resort.
My taste buds have definitely been altered with my food and drink tweaks. I would like to think of them as more refined now. Over the last few months I ate a potato that had cooked in a pot along with smoked sausage. I had to spit out the metal-tasting vegetable and learned my lesson. I can only guess that my palate will continue to change. Furthermore, companies with plant-based missions have already come a long way and continue to better their methods and recipes. So far, I have not found a non-animal-milk cheese that I just want to gorge on, though I have found some that Zoey doesn’t completely shun. Dairy free cheeses seem to adopt the flavor of the food it accompanies, and, therefore, are a nice addition for texture purposes. Maybe one day I’ll find a non-dairy creamer that floats my boat.
- Califia Farms Unsweetened Vanilla Almondmilk – yep
- Daiya Jalapeno Havarti Block – yep
- Daiya Mozzarella Shreds – mid, but it served it’s texture purpose on pizza
- Earth Balance Vegan Buttery Sticks – yep
- Follow Your Heart Dairy-Free Cheese Parmesan – yep
- Kitehill Plant-Based Artisans Sour Cream Alternative – mid, but it served its texture purpose
- Kitehill Greek Style Plain Unsweetened Plant-Based Yogurt – yep
- Raspberry SO Delicious Dairy Free Coconutmilk Yogurt Alternative – yep
- Simple Truth Oatmilk – yep
- Simple Truth Plant Based Mayo Spread – yep
- Violife just like Cream Cheese with Chives – yep
- Violife Mexican Style Shreds – mid, but it served it’s texture purpose on tacos
- Abe’s Lemon Poppy Vegan Muffins – nope
- Forager Project Organic Dairy-free Sour Cream alternative – nope
- SO Delicious Dairy Free Organic Creamer Coconutmilk French Vanilla – nope
- Sown Organic Oat Creamer Sweet & Creamy – nope