ISO: Opinions about Dating Apps
Dating in my 40s is definitely not anywhere near comparable to dating in my 20s. To be accurate, dating in my 40s has been completely non-existent for all 2 years of my 40s. I blame this on how my outings of today are in stark contrast to what they were a couple of decades ago. At 21, the club scene sent a very obvious message: “Hey! I’m single and looking!” Now, in my adulting years, when I leave the house, it’s for work, the gym, or school & sporting events for my kids. The odds of the men in attendance at kid functions being married are 9 out 10 (based on the very accurate measurement method of the left-hand check). As for the gym, my focused grimace (a.k.a. resting bitch face), along with headphones, doesn’t exactly invite conversations. And, lastly, work encounters…well, please allow me to explain how those have gone…
After exchanging numbers with a few men in the past year, I have received a basic text such as “GM” (Good Morning) or “HYD” (How you doing). (We all know how difficult and time-consuming it is to spell those words out, right?) After an estimated minute of simple conversation, I either read how awesome said person could make me feel or, for those guys who are uber-confident with their physique, they just skip the schmoozing altogether and send a penis pic. At first I thought this just happened with the kind of men that I attract, but a few conversations with my single friends has taught me that this is basically the norm in the dating world as of now. Literally, and sadly, sexual innuendos are suggested before a date is even offered! This astonishes me because it means that single men aren’t in on the secret that grown, intelligent woman have our va-j-j needs handled (see Battery-Operated Fun) and would sincerely be more impressed hearing someone’s plans to feed us.
Recently, when my car croaked (the event that spurred my side hustle of blood money), I was happily surprised by the ease and efficiency of online shopping for a vehicle. This occurrence made me remember that technology is my friend and could bring ease in other areas of my life as well. And so, in the same manner that I enter pools by my tippy toes, I have finally decided to give online dating apps a whirl. I figure if nothing else, I can consider my experiences research in the name of writing.
I have a good friend that is well-versed in online dating, so I turned to her for advice on where to start. In almost her exact words, Match has dorks unless you do the paid version and Plenty of Fish has weirdos (I’ve heard that’s mainly for hook-ups anyhow). Needless to say, I wasn’t convinced to try those. She is currently on Bumble, which has the female make the first move. I don’t even enjoy that notion in person, so I decided that one is not for me. She then mentioned OkCupid, which has paid and free versions. Since she didn’t include a negative connotation along with the description, I decided to start there. (I must note that my dear friend ended the conversation with these exact words, “It’s probably best to just meet someone in real life but where? And how? Online dating isn’t a bad plan it’s just not perfect.” ) So, I took the next step forward in this journey with her words motivating me to set my aspirations about as high as my ankles.
Within the first five minutes of creating a profile I was ready to give up. The questions it asked to help the program offer me good matches were unreasonable. For example, one inquiry was, “Are you intense or carefree?” Well hell, it depends on what time of the month and day version of me we are talking about. There was no option to say ‘both’ or ‘intense…but let me explain.’ Another question was, “Would you rather kiss in Paris or in a tent in the woods?” Hmmm, I haven’t had a date in two years, let alone a kiss, so, I’d settle for a smooch in the McDonald’s drive-thru at this point. My friend suggested that I go with my gut and my gut told me to ask another friend how they would describe me. Long story short, my answers were “intense” and “a tent” respectively.
I fumbled with the logistics of the app on Day One. Apparently, if someone “likes” you, you get a notification, but their face is all blurred out until you sign up for the paid version….unless you also have swiped that you “like” that person, which, in that case, the two of you can begin messaging each other. I have to admit to finding it a bit creepy, or maybe forced is a better word, to choose a person based on a few snapshots and a self-summary. When searching for a new SUV, I didn’t mind setting specific parameters, but with fellow humans, I would like to consider myself more flexible. The app is right or left, yes or no and I’m a ‘maybe’ kind of person. Having said that, I have found that when I swiped left on some guys, they popped back up later for me to take a second look, or what is referred to as a Double Take. This might be the app’s version of a maybe or, more likely, it thinks if you get desperate enough that some of your previous nos will turn into a yes- time-induced beer goggles so to say. I find the app’s terminology of “someone likes you” immature as it makes me feel like I’m in elementary school again passing folded notes. Still yet, at 48 hours, over 200 blurry-faced guys “liked” me and that does feel good. Even if I only found four of them desirable, this still beats the odds of me making a connection on my drive home or during my work out. (The current odds with those are 0/200, give or take a few.)
I have always trusted fate, the Law of Attraction, the Universe, God and all of my Guardian Angels to organically put me in the right place at the right time. My mind has now shifted to the understanding that the use of technology could quite possibly be my guided placement. I admittedly have already had one OKCupid guy throw sass my way because I didn’t respond quickly enough to his liking. So, this experiment might just be my sign to appreciate where I am right now, which is single and only occasionally annoyed by my offspring. (Can we agree the word occasionally has many shades?) On the other hand, my brother and his wife met through a brick and mortar dating service when computers were just in the beginning stages of creating connections; they had their 14 year anniversary just last month. Jen Sincero, the author of one of my favorite books, You are a Badass, advises us that it is a progressive move in life to do something super uncomfy and makes us feel like we might puke. Therefore, I’m forging ahead with an open mind (while also trying to avoid “dorks” or “weirdos”) into the WWW of dating sites. I will most definitely keep you posted on the amusement and entertainment that follows and would appreciate your sharing of any experiences you have had along this path as well.
YES!! I am relating to this blog on so many levels.. If fact it’s as if you’re speaking for me.. Just articulated eloquently on a higher level than I could ever offer. Kissing in Paris question got me too.. As I’d like both. 😂. At 42 I give up on dating apps every other month and then find myself drawn to the instant flattery.. I balance it by lingering in the grocery store aisles after 8 on a Friday night.
Ours is out there in Real world or http://www.. I trust he’s working just as hard to find us.. 🙏
Aw, thanks for reading RL. My friend that is well versed in dating apps does the same as you – on and off again. I have enjoyed the instant flattery as well and a few nice (intelligent- can you believe it?!) conversations because I was getting bored moreso than lonely. It’s interesting at a safe distance at this point. As for the grocery store, once again, my local Kroger must be in the heartland suburb of married men. I do have trust because if God gave us the ability to conceive it as a desire, he also provides us with the means to achieve it. I promise to keep my progress posted (rather publicly I must say) and you make sure you keep me in on the Hot Lanta loop as well. 😉