No Wrong Time for Happy
In my last post I admitted to wondering if it was an okay time to focus on a light-hearted topic with so much heaviness occurring in the world. Since then I’ve had a few more conversations with married individuals about the beginning moments to their love stories.
Many of the memories I created in the 1st 20 years of my life have been erased by the sands of time (pregnancy, parenting & various amounts of wine, to be specific). Yet, I still have a good handful of experiences that are imprinted in my mind. The delivery of each of my children are stories that are engraved and take me back to an exact replay when I retell them. There are a few times in high school when I lost my absolute shit to laughter. I am so happy that those have also remained etched for immediate recollection. (Please ask me about the Honor Society bleachers & silver football hoop if you have the chance.) With 15 years of teaching under my belt, there are certainly different predicaments that I won’t forget, like running 28 6 year-olds through the halls, Home Alone airport style, just to watch the last bus pull away from the curb.
I’ve said all of that to say that recalling funny, happy experiences is a blessing. I’ve heard before that worrying is a waste of the gift of imagination. On the same token, spending any time focusing on shitty past experiences is also abuse of a talent that should be used wisely. Each time I have asked an individual about his or her love story, joy was immediately radiated. Love is love is love and it is always right and it is always good. What happens after love, or whatever humans do to twist it & turn it sideways, doesn’t take away the fact that in one moment of time-God/Source/Divinity was present.
I would go out on a limb to say even if a relationship was short-lived, the beginning moments can still carry joy. If a couple isn’t still together, the relationship wasn’t necessarily wrong at the start. What if time and circumstances simply make some paths change course?
If you haven’t asked your parents how they first connected and you are still able to do so, please do. If you haven’t told your children how you and their other parent met, I urge this of you. Even if you aren’t still together, actually, especially if you aren’t still in tact, writing down or telling your children the special story that inevitably led to their creation is simply celebrating & preserving a story about love.
My marriage with the father of my kiddos ended after 8 years but we all still laugh when I retell how he and I met. We were both at the classic Ike & Jonesy’s in downtown Indy. My pick up line, “How’s it feel being the hottest guy in here,” gets more hysterical every time I repeat it. Not only is this quote telling of how lame Tipsy Amanda rolls but it is also pure Beer Goggle speak. The comparative compliment that rolled off my tongue spoke more to the other bar patrons (a guy who only had ½ of his teeth remaining & another who outweighed me by at least 200 lbs.) than the “sexy stud” that I thought I had discovered.
There’s been a handful of times in my life when I stumbled across the 1 Corinthians Bible verse and it felt as cheap as looking at yet another “Live! Laugh! Love!” wall decoration. Love never failing sounded nice but it seemed a sham. I used to think that love had failed me time and again. But even at my most stubborn, I felt a little guilt for having a tainted thought about the sacredness of love. What if I wasn’t being patient enough to see how love was still playing out for me while simultaneously not recognizing all of the moments I had experienced the exhilaration of love? It’s truly special when love between two people lasts for a lifetime, but even if a relationship doesn’t last an eternity, reminiscing over the happy moments (even if there were only a few) is still uplifting.
I’ve convinced myself that any opportunity to inquire of others their happy moments is one that shouldn’t be missed. Hearing beautiful experiences enables me to share and pay forward the positive vibe. In other words, there isn’t a wrong time for happy. In the first 5 love stories, quintessential timing seemed to be a common thread. Among the next 6 romantic accounts that I have underway, persistence is currently edging its way as the theme.