Solitary Connections
After announcing the plans for TacOcaT, I wondered if I would make the move to Mexico alone, if circumstances happened to demand a solo relocation from me. Although I hope to break my current streak, I have found that a sans-partner period typically (here meaning always) follows my husband/boyfriend stints. Moving south is one thing but moving beyond south as a single lady is leveling up a notch on my whole Woman Strong mentality. I can sand floors and paint but converting currency is nearly rocket science for yours truly. (And yes, I once worked at a bank.)
My first thought upon this inquiry is: Why not?! I am capable, know enough Spanish to get by and enjoy many activities alone. Along the trail of my 4 decades, I’ve identified more with the characteristics of a loner than those of a social butterfly. There’s a chance this is directly related to teaching 6-year-old children for 15 years. When inquisitive young humans are around most seconds of most days, one tends to develop an appreciation for solitude.
Having said all of that, I recently felt exposed while watching Joe Rogan’s stand-up special, Triggered. He said people who identify as loners and say that they don’t need others are “full of shit.” I instantly felt like he was pointing a finger at me while simultaneously speaking absolute truth. Even though some of the most special moments I’ve experienced during my lifetime have been solitary (my non-scuba diving minutes, for example) they were enhanced when I described and shared them with others.
I have spent a great deal of effort throughout my lifetime proving to myself and a handful of other individuals that I don’t need anyone. (Classic baby of the family syndrome, I’m sure of it.) I remember telling my high school tennis coach that I was forever committed to singles when my doubles partner missed a shot that I knew I could have made. At work and in the abode, I’ve found that delegating isn’t a skill that comes naturally. Therefore, it makes perfect sense that proof of the importance of connecting with other humans would begin flowing my way sooner or later.
Recently such a moment came when my consistently healthy 73 year old mom had an unexpected stay in the hospital. With my father being the anti-hospital, life-long self-employed/self-insured man that he is, I wasn’t exactly sure what grumpiness might be oozing out of him about the ambulance ride alone. My heart was so touched to find that instead of what I feared, my dad was extremely sweet to his wife of 50+ years. He kept track of her medicines, temperature checks & bowel movements. After a quick trip home to refresh or sleep, he returned with an immediate walk straight to mom’s lips for a kiss, asking how she felt. My mom’s gratitude when I brushed her hair while she was unable also warmed my soul. These moments of appreciation could only be experienced through interaction with others.
Another lesson occurred lately when my desk amiga at work had to be away for the day. This friend, who can empathize with the b.s. that comes my way with perfection, is an integral part of my work day. Being able to vent & release tension has an effect on my ability to make it through 8 hours without breaking down. In her absence, my emotions have spanned from crying to extreme bitchiness, especially while under the influence of hormonal turbulence. It’s painfully obvious to me that I necessitate another person with whom to share my daily annoyances, allowing me to avoid losing my shit during a weekly 40 hour grind.
I’ve also experienced some zen moments on my daily trek back & forth to work when other drivers cut me off, tailgate me (when I’m already 20 mph over the limit, more or less) or otherwise disrespect me on Indianapolis’ weekday Motor Speedway, a.k.a. 465. During these heightened vibrational times, any less-than-intelligent maneuver that I witness immediately forces me to acknowledge that I have been there before. This feeling of mercy takes a load off of my heart; my spirit is instantly lifted. Seeing other individuals as the Divine sees them (all a work in progress that makes mistakes along the way) allows a pure energy to run through my soul. In order to experience this feeling, I require others.
I’ve looked to astronomy for my balance with the dichotomy of desiring isolation or companionship (because, again, “Why not?!” ). As a Cancerian crab, it is said that I crawl back to solitude when I need to feel protected. And while the crustacean in me must admit that withdrawing inwardly to feel safe is a sea well traveled…I always come back out. I relish short times in seclusion, as they are my refreshment sessions to then feel alive with anticipation to experience life con otra personas.
Since I don’t even possess the mental energy to make definite plans for dinner this Friday evening, I’ve resigned the impossible task of contemplating residing south of the border companionless. I know for certain, though, that it has taken a village to help me raise my children and there are countless other accomplishments I have achieved that would not have been possible without the crew of peeps that have had my back. I may prefer to be in solitude more often than not, but that’s only in the physical realm. No diary could supply the satisfaction I feel when I connect to you through written words. No matter what side of the border I lay my head, I am certain this union will continue to nourish me.
Love it. You are a strong person and hope you can make your dreams come true. Follow your dreams and be HAPPY. It is a pleasure sitting next to you every day you are a very inspirational woman. Stay strong 👍💪❤
Thanks, chica! I am sure at the very least I am entertaining. lol You make every work day better for me and many others and for that you are very appreciated.
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