Hormonal Power
A friend recently texted me that she had raging PMS and was a wreck. Because I had shoveled a hazelnut latte (mobile-ordered, of course), peanut M&Ms, cherry Twizzlers, a macadamia cookie and a brownie down my throat that day (in addition to my ‘normal’ food), I suggested some of my choices to help her get through. She replied that even with coffee and chocolate, she still hated everyone. Obviously she was a little further in her cycle than me because I wasn’t fully committed to hate at that point. But that exchange took place a little over a week ago…
In “The Power of Now,” spiritual author, Eckhart Tolle speaks to the fact that, with focus, women can be even more conscious and powerful during menses. About PMS, Tolle wrote, “When the first sign appears, you need to be alert enough to “catch” it before it takes you over. For example, the first sign may be a sudden strong irritation or a flash of anger, or it may be a purely physical symptom. Whatever it is, catch it before it can take over your thinking or behavior.” When I began reading his point, I thought I might be offended, wondering how a man could intelligently speak to what a woman goes through on her monthly journey. However, the way he explains it makes perfect sense. I’m definitely Extra before I start my p (depleted moreso afterwards).
Tolle goes on to say, “Whatever form (PMS) takes, stay present. Give it your complete attention. Watch the turbulence inside you. …Feel its energy directly, inside your body. …(Then) the pain-body becomes transformed into radiant consciousness.” In other words, if I were ever enlightened enough to not let my hormones take the wheel, and instead, had full knowledge and focus of them revving up to do their thing, I would have a super power. Basically, women would rule the world if we were at the helm of our hormonal energy (and not just that behind the scenes running the world thing that we do now by making men think things were their idea).
It’s safe to say that I haven’t perfected the art of this. My argument/break up percentage while PMSing is 100%. This past week, I have had a repeated mantra in my head, which, I’m sorry to admit, has simply been, “I hate everything.” (Not only did I catch up with my friend, I actually passed her because she only hated people and I currently despise all things.)
I consider myself to be a positive person, especially when comparing my normal thoughts to the grumpy ass, dismal conversations that take place around me. 9 times out of 10, people are discussing sicknesses, deaths, accidents & traffic, lack of money, lack of happiness, etc., etc., etc. My father actually called me one night just to list the 20 undesirable actions he witnessed my neighbors commit when he stopped by my house while I was away. This is with his full knowledge that I already know what goes on in my neighborhood and I actively try to avoid seeing or thinking about any of it. I appreciate still being able to hear my father’s voice, but wouldn’t it be nice if he chose to chat about this temporary beautiful Indiana weather that we are experiencing? It’s a minefield out there, so to have the negative on loop inside my head definitely makes me take notice.
My thoughts are a constant dichotomy. I want to work out, but dammit I want to just chill and be lazy. I want to eat fruit and be healthy, yet graham crackers smothered in peanut butter, topped with butterscotch chips is what I eat. I enjoy my job and most of the people I share those 40 hours with, however, I don’t want to go to work. The sound of the windshield wipers annoyed me this morning. The sound of the voice on my positive podcast annoyed me, too. And, when I got home, I couldn’t even bare to listen to Norah Jones. Norah Jones people! One of the most soothing, peaceful concoctions of music that could vibrate an eardrum and I had to shut it down three lines into Come Away with Me. I am PMS Bah-Humbug personified.
Last week I devoured a near 500 page book because of the escape from my reality that it provided. (City of Girls by Elizabeth Gilbert if you are searching for a good one.) Painting made me feel okay for a moment, as well as wine. Running did the trick for about 30 minutes one day. My happiness is fleeting, though, so I pondered what else could flip my switch. So, I turned to writing.
In my Maiden Voyage post nearly two years ago, I committed to humor and a focus on positive while sharing commonalities with others. While I don’t know if you caught a laugh or any positivity while reading this, I, for one, feel much better. I didn’t consider even one thing I detested the entire time I typed, though I admittedly craved some sour gummy worms around paragraph 3.
Writing this post passed some hours to help see me to the finish line…until it’s time to see what the new roller coaster brings in the next few weeks. A gynecologist once told me, “The older you get, the younger your periods get.” That’s fine, I guess. At least something on me is getting younger. I love my dog (and my kids), I find small glimpses of things to appreciate even while under the influence of my hormones and at least I recognize and acknowledge when I’m oozing with bitchiness. Maybe I can rule the world…