Art of Appreciation

As a teacher, I was trained to catch the kids who were doing something right.  When Squirrely Q was acting out in line for attention, complimenting her neighbor who was waiting patiently magically made Miss Q want to straighten up.  Likewise, when teaching students to improve upon a skill, beginning the conversation by pointing out something they executed correctly not only encouraged them to listen to what all I had to say, but it also gave them a strength to build upon.  After the compliment, a small nudge in the direction of improvement was better received.  This practice is not lost on adults.  I remember one principal who would leave a sticky note on my desk after an observation of a lesson, telling me something I did right.  At a meeting sometime in the future, he would discuss my lesson and tell me things I could do differently that may possibly impact learning in a different way, but knowing he saw some good in what I did made any feedback he gave well-taken.  The longer I live, the more I can see that this principal was a diamond in the rough.

When I left the classroom, I was managing a house of seven.  Needless to say, the role of Mom, which encompasses the roles of: Maid, Chef, Accountant, Taxi Driver, Nurse, Entertainment Agent, (etc., etc.) is not known for receiving ‘atta boys’, except maybe on Mother’s Day.  For example, I found that any conversation about laundry was only spurred by me not doing it.  This thought occurred when I noticed the rack in the shower continually building up a collection of used towels.  I truly believe everyone else who inhabited the house believed there was a Towel Fairy, who would nicely come through, happily swipe, clean and dry the used towels and replace them in the basket all ready for use again.  This belief, more often than not, resulted in The Fairy going in to take a shower and there being no clean towels left.  On a week of heightened hormones, I decided to perform an experiment.  I hid a few towels for myself and left all of the daily hangings in the shower.  The picture to the above left is what had occurred by day 3.  After a few more days, I started to hear ponderings during our morning and nighttime rituals, “Where are the towels?” and perplexed declarations, “We don’t have any clean towels.”  I pointed to where all of the towels had gathered and emphasized the locations of dirty clothes hampers in the house.  I extended my scientific discoveries, deciding to be just the Half Ass Laundry Fairy, who would clean, dry and deliver clothes to rooms, but not put them away.  The picture to the right is a result of that trial.  Needless to say, the Laundry Mound still resulted in questions of exasperation, “Where is my favorite pair of underwear that I HAVE to wear today?!”  Somewhere along the lines, I gave up and again became the Kick Ass Laundry Fairy, who completed every step of the process because the work of that role was less annoying than the upheaval in life balance that was created when I didn’t show up for the job every. single. day.  

Now I am back in the adult 9-5 Work Force, while managing only a house of four, so laundry isn’t on the top of my worries.  (If we wear something that’s been worn a couple of times, we just use extra Febreze at this point.)  It has become ever so clear that the Pat on the Back theory is just as lost on employees as it is on moms.  When I first began my job, I would get a daily run down of items I needed to know, which wasn’t a shocker as I was learning the ropes of a new position.  However, as I’ve settled in for a few months, I’ve learned that feedback is only given on skills performed incorrectly.  To name a just a few, I now know to:

• not staple a paper too closely to the left or top edge
• use clear tape to cover those ugly staple holes on papers so they can be filed neatly
• catch when others print on recycled paper (a no-no)
• catch mistakes on invoices before you are editing the invoice for a mistake
• know what shift a new hire is working before entering payroll by the gift of osmosis
• memorize the nuances of all 30 clients and the way to input their customized order into the out-dated computer program without a Standard Operating Procedure to help with said memorization
• know that the front office paper-clips groups of like papers on the left side, while the back office insists the groups be paper-clipped on the right side
• enter ACH payments on the actual post date, unless it’s the last day of the month, in which it needs to go on the following day, unless that falls on a weekend, which, I vaguely remember makes it a crap shoot at which point, just go with intuition

In other words, for the past two months, despite showing up on time every single day, working 12 hour shifts to cover others, and staying past my scheduled end time almost daily, I have not heard one single word of praise or appreciation from anyone that hired me.  I do, however, know full well what I did wrong on the previous day within 15 minutes of clocking in.  I’ve mentioned this to my wonderful co-worker, who shows up for work before 5 am every day and still manages to give over 100% effort and over 40 hours a week.  Her husband says that having the job should be taken as appreciation.  I get it, I’m not a child back in school needing my ego stroked to do what I already know I’m supposed to do.  However, I can’t help but contemplate how employees, family members…basically anyone that aids in our daily lives, would strive to do even more with some simple words of thanks, appreciation, compliments, ‘atta boys’ and pats on the back.

When I job-shared as a teacher, I was so eager to finish a bulletin board display or grade a stack of papers because I knew when my partner saw my work, she would be so very thankful.  My daughter has started thanking me for buying groceries and cooking dinner.  This literally takes the edge off of mundane things because someone notices my efforts.  I feel like this is a human nature thing, not just a me thing, but as any good Abraham-Hicks student knows, changing my world starts with me.  Therefore, if I want my work to appreciate me, I need to start focusing on what I appreciate first.  Even if my appreciation branches off about something non-work related, I am still heightening my vibration, which will attract to me more of those high vibes. Here is my one minute attempt to set my mind straight today:

• I appreciate that my clock-in time isn’t until 9 am, so I have time to get kids to school & enjoy a coffee and meditation before I begin my work day.
• I like that my working conditions are safe and peaceful.
• I enjoy many of the people that I interact with at work.
• I am blessed that my time at work provides money for a home and food for myself and my children.
• I am thankful that I have a healthy body to be able to go to work.
• I like that my job gives me topics to write about.
• I appreciate that I have transportation to get to work and a father that helps me fix that transportation.
• I’m happy that I have a washing machine and a dryer to clean clothes simply and efficiently.
• I’m thankful to have money to buy laundry detergent and fabric softener.
• I appreciate the clothes and towels that we own.
• I’m happy that at least one of my offspring knows how to wring out a towel to hang it neatly in the shower. (see above right)

That didn’t take too much time and it surely took my mind off of those paper clips rules.  I would like to end by saying how much I appreciate YOU.  Knowing that someone (anyone) would take the time to read my writing and receive enjoyment, a giggle and a connection, makes my energy rise to the highest appreciation of all.  The next time you buy groceries for others, fold and put away someone’s favorite item of clothing, or staple a packet of papers in that location deemed o-so-perfect by your boss, please know that my spirit is right there with you giving your Bad Ass self a thumbs-up.