Chapter 44 (16,060 Days Young)

Fitness – I have a love/hate relationship with running. I feel great after I run. Terrific, actually, or, in other words: enthusiastic, energetic, fit and motivated. A genius would tap into that every day. I consistently tap into those magical endorphins only about 3-4 days a week, 2 weeks a month. (This puts me at something like 25% genius.) Still yet, tapping into this energy even a little is better than never experiencing the high. I’m more active than docile and I turn to vitamins, nutrition, rest and activity before prescriptions and surgeries. I wish my stomach was as flat as it was when I thought I was fat in my 20s. Even so, I can’t recall the last time I felt sick. In other words: so far, so good.

Mommin’ – There are a multitude of very joyful, light-hearted, beautiful moments that I’ve experienced directly as a result of being a mom. Along with that multitude, there are a multitude times a thousand moments that have been mundane at best and hard a.f. at most. Parenting is not a role for the faint of heart; the saying ‘what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’ certainly applies. During 18.5 years of parenting, I’ve almost mastered never, ever letting my initial gut reaction (to basically anything) flow out of my mouth. It took many, many times of doing just the opposite to realize the strength of this super power. When I succeed in this endeavor, it saves my heart 10 skips towards an attack. It also makes my children trust coming to me on matters when they need an adult the most. Again: so far, so good.

Relationships – I was raised with the understanding that everyone will eventually end up in a relationship. I’ve since then learned that lifetime unions aren’t for everyone, including me at times. I experience happiness when I’m alone. I work, cook, “gym”, side hustle, grocery shop, mom…& repeat. It’s serenity, in a stoic kind of way. The flip side to this is when I enjoy my dailies with a bestie. This experience provides more highs and lows than existing alone. Both situations have had a proper place in my life. I’m currently in a relationship that has its fair share of skeptics, but I know to focus on what’s ahead instead of past mistakes. I continually keep myself in check, making sure that I put my health and well being in front of those I love so that I have more to offer. Sharing the stories of couples who have lasted a long time has helped me focus on the joyful parts of relationships. I’m not bitter, I still believe that love never fails & (as old-fashioned as it is) I still would rather to have loved & lost than never to have loved at all. There are more happy days than bad in my world. In my eyes, that’s a win.

Spirit – It hurts my spirit to look around at the current state of my community, country and world, but I know now is not permanent. I have found joy in the ability to offer others masks who would have otherwise been turned away from a purchase. Meditation = good. Massages = good. Beach/Nature = good. Dogs = good. No alarm = good. Focusing on the solution instead of the problem = good.

Style – On me, tan fat is sexier than pale fat. It is crucial that I have a pair of tweezers triggered and ready. Expensive heels are worth the money when weighing pain vs. cuteness. Non-see thru leggings with a pocket for a cell phone and a great hair stylist are also worth the money. Comfort is a solid, ultimate decision maker. Amazon Prime is both awesome and dangerous. Style is @: good but always a work in progress & open to friend interventions when necessary.

Work – A LinkedIn post recently read, “The difference between a job & a career is passion.” I felt that. With self-diagnosed cases of C.S.M.A.D. and subject specific A.D.D., I’m beginning to realize a job within the confines of 4 walls isn’t cut out for me. Furthermore, I can’t beat myself up for lacking this self-awareness when I was 18 and making lifelong decisions. Like Style, I’m a work in progress in this field, but unlike Style, I at least feel myself moving closer to ‘just right’ in this arena sooner than later.