Drawing the Line(s)
Possibly due to my recent celebration of yet another trip around the sun, it is becoming increasingly clear to me that my time left here on Earth is a precious commodity. Realizing this has made me picky about who I permit around me while I consume my waking hours. Of course sometimes I don’t have a choice in the matter; thankfully, I enjoy spending time with my children. But as for the people that I am opting to be around, I am getting ever so fussy about who will make the cut. With that being said, remember that one time I said I am a maybe type of person when it comes to dating? I’m going to have to retract that statement…
I have found there are 4 subjects in which I have a definite line drawn when it comes to meeting new people. (The number is growing and has great potential to be larger before the end of this post.) I have always considered myself flexible, so this revelation is actually shocking to yours truly. This coming-to-terms with my identity came about after a few weeks of exploring the dating app, OkCupid, where the common practice equates to messaging each other for an undetermined time period until both parties are interested enough to meet in person. As an individual who has been single for quite awhile now, I have a certain pattern established- a flow to my days so to say. Therefore, if I am going to allow a person to disrupt this routine, they have to be worthy. If I skip a work out to meet a man just to later find out that he is absolutely on the other side of my lines, I’m slightly upset about the time I have wasted.
I’ve thought about presenting the following deal breakers and then asking if I am out of bounds with my thinking, but I truly don’t care. Right or wrong, I am prepared to stay (happily) single for the rest of this lifetime if a person that I’m attracted to doesn’t naturally fall on my side of the lines. If anyone wants to share other deal breakers they possess in the comments, I am absolutely interested in that they very well could be good additions to my 4…
#1- Music. It’s a big deal. I have concerts in my car. I would rather listen to music in the house over television. If a new person in my life is not going to be okay with hearing the entire inappropriate version of Chronic 2001, they are not going to be okay around me. I actually want to join my teenager at most of the concerts he desires to attend, not to be a helicopter, but because the music is lit. (Sorry, a teenage word seemed fitting with that example, bro). Drake, Travis Scott, Wiz Khalifa, Juice WRLD, Kenrick Lamar = yes, yes, yes, yes and yes. I love an awesome beat and my core isn’t bothered by distasteful lyrics. If a person starts yapping about new country artists (90s country is acceptable) or hard metal ish, I sincerely will not want to spend any extended amount of time with them. Period.
#2-Politics. I have never, ever considered myself political. While I certainly appreciate America’s idea of we the people choosing our leaders, I haven’t exactly trusted that those who were voted into office would actually represent those that put them there nor do what they promised. And so, I didn’t vote after my debut at 18. Recent times, though, have forced me to give a strong damn about who runs our country. When I have traveled outside of the US in the past few years, I felt embarrassed to admit my homeland. That sucked! I am ashamed of how our country has taken steps back on issues that are very close to my heart and best believe I made it to my voting precinct on the last couple of elections. If nothing else, it gave me peace of mind to know that I didn’t contribute to the gross shenanigans in the news on the daily. So, without naming names, if a new person that I’m considering to include in my crew is for him, it means the same as being against me. Holding extremely different viewpoints on very basic fundamental issues (like respect and professionalism) means we will never, ever be tight. It’s sad that this division has been created, but it’s real.
#3-Cigarettes. I tried smoking a cigarette once when I was 14 and a few more times when I was a waitress and figured out it was the only way to get a break. I always hated it. I hate the smell, the queasiness and the taste. I’m not saying I hate people that smoke, I’m just saying it isn’t for me. Being all non-judgmental and cool, I always figured I could date someone that smoked. But then once I went to a guy’s apartment who was a smoker and almost died while sitting and chatting with him, so I transformed my belief into I could date someone who smoked, but kept it out of the house. Fast forward to me riding in a truck with the windows down, hair blown like I was in a tornado, all the while still dying from cigarette smoke and going on dates in which I spent about half of the night alone at the table while my date went outside to smoke. It’s safe to say it’s my time to take a stand. If a man has a cigarette in his mouth in a pic on his profile, that equals ‘hell no’. If he smokes cigarettes sometimes, he’s getting a left swipe. I’m over it. (If he smokes more natural, different smelling things- well then, I’m back to maybe.)
#4-Two, To, Too. Grammar is a probably a touch point with me because I graded papers for 15 years. I try to overlook many spelling mistakes especially if someone is trying to use an extra cool word. Bonus points for trying, you know? Since contractions can be tricky, I can overlook errors when using there, their and they’re, as well as your and you’re. The confusion over than and then is understood as they sound similar. However, I know the lesson to decipher when to use which ‘to’ begins when a person is 6 years old; if an English speaking person does not have it figured out by the time they are in their 20s, I have lost all hope. The number word two is used correctly by most, it’s the lack of certainty over when to use that extra ‘o’ that trips people up so.damn.much. Too = also and extra. I used to tell my students that an extra ‘o’ means exactly that…there is extra. It really is just that simple, yet, today I read the following text message from a suitor: “It hasn’t been to bad.” I am shameful to admit that the incorrect usage of the word ‘to’ is a clear sign that further texting conversations or any other form of written communication exchanges will not be desired.
That’s the list for now, but keep in mind that this is pre-meeting material. Certainly after I meet someone, there are endless amounts of deal breakers, like…let’s see, not caring what I have to say has been a recent one. The fact that this preliminary list gets longer by the week may mean that I’m a bitch, but, in nicer terms, I think it shows that I am more me now than I have ever been. I know what I like and I enjoy time with myself. If an individual isn’t going to add to my life, then why add them? In a world with a seemingly endless amount of people, many humans are still single, and I used to find that sad. But now I get it. Many mature, single people are actually individuals who love themselves too much to settle for less.
Count me among the happily single. My saying: It would take a hell of a man to replace no man. Life is good!
🙂 I may have to borrow that saying but I will give you complete credit. lol Your face shows your joy. You for sure should keep doing what you are doing because it’s working for you.
I read your criteria and I had to giggle to myself a little. I consider you one of my closest friends and we are so different! But, on the same hand..we are very much the same. (I love that btw) I overlooked so much on my criteria list with my S.O. an really wish I hadn’t. Because now it is HUGE resentment issues with me. I had written my criteria list down before I dated him and my mom saw my list and said I was being too (correct grammar is on my list!) picky and shallow in my wants with a guy. There are times you should not listen to your mom. When she is being too old fashioned is one of those times. 🙂
My list is a long one. I can give a few points though:
HYGIENE – this is an absolute must for me!! From basic to oral to grooming. If a guy cannot even take the time to fuss a little for his girl then I consider it very lazy. Which brings me to my next point..
NO LAZINESS – if you cannot keep a job because everything is too hard or whatever, you are not for me. If you prefer to sit in a chair and watch tv endlessly, you are not for me. Other than background noise I could totally live without tv. I like to be outside. I like to go do things, see things, experience things.
COMMUNICATION – if your usual way of speaking to your significant other is by grunting or one word answers…keep going. I am a talker. I am a listener. I want to know everything about my people closest to me. There are no off limit subjects. No judgement either. I enjoy communicating with others.
These are the major ones. I do have many others but they can be SLIGHTLY altered depending on the person or situation.
Haaaa, I guessed you might have some deal breakers I could add. lmao I completely agree with the hygiene but I can’t quite tell that until I meet them. I guess in their pics if they have greasy hair or unkempt something, I might not even find them attractive enough to start chatting. As for laziness and communication I definitely can see the signs of that based on their profile. Some guys don’t write a thing about themselves, like maybe a ? or …, which equals left swipe for them. If they write about house projects, travel, work, etc., that’s definitely a good sign (if their spelling is okay). You are one of the most non judgmental people I know and I do feel like we are the same with that. I don’t care what others are doing but I can for sure decide if I want to be around it. As for your list…maybe keep it and focus on how change is possible. 🙂