Inspired Grumpiness
I’m checking in after a week-long, self-imposed alcohol detox. My goal was simple: press my reset button and prove to myself that I can chill on any habit if I set my mind to it. Giving up something seems easier than adding to a daily routine and liquor seemed to be my main vice at the time. I figured I would develop another case of C.S.M.A.D., with motivation to run or lift every day or at least an urge to jump into a house project. I was wrong. It seems a Quarantine Style Alcohol Sacrifice plays out in a more cerebral, low key kind of way. Or, maybe that’s just the deck that was dealt this week, courtesy of my hormones.
I like to let inspiration lead me, which means I try to avoid most things I don’t want to do. While I continued to get up and go to work this past week and keep the laundry and dishes on their normal dirty/clean cycle, I didn’t accomplish anything noteworthy. I tried out a new raspberry cream cheese danish recipe, which will be TacOcaT worthy if the fruit rotates with what is local and fresh. I meditated in the sun on the only spring day Indiana provided nice enough weather to do so. I grocery shopped (washing my hands immediately afterwards, of course), found a Netflix series to get hooked into and formulated some writing ideas. I paid bills, filled out some forms, went through a stack of paperwork and threw away expired coupons. The last two of these activities would arguably have been enhanced while sipping wine, but I won’t split hairs.
In the past week, I also discovered how damn hard it is to not partake in something you love while others are enjoying it around you. Last August, I was able to avoid liquor by not bringing it into my house and choosing to not go where the temptation would be in close proximity. This go-round, I knew full well that I would be near tasty libations and that I didn’t have the right to make other adults around me join in my endeavor. Wine was a heavenly aroma as it wafted past my nostrils and vodka lemonades never looked more refreshing. However, a few times I found myself trying to edge away from the overbearing smell that alcohol sometimes has to those not consuming it. I wondered if my children had ever done the same around me.
I had one friend reach out through text to join me in the Quarantine Cocktail Sacrifice on Monday. On Wednesday, she was craving margaritas and asked me why this had seemed like a good idea. Even though I most likely replaced wine calories for more snacks and other tasty, innocent drinks (i.e. I am one pound heavier than when this began), we decided showing alcohol it is our bitch was a good enough reason to stay strong for a bit longer.
I woke up grumpy on Thursday. I am usually the one promoting peeps to “go with happy” and I had voluntarily not participated in what would make me happy many of my past few evenings. I expected to feel motivated and energetic without alcohol in my blood, but with spring allergies and the typical teeter-tottering of temperatures and air pressures in the Hoosier state, I have experienced the fog of hangovers without the pregame fun. By the time dinner rolled around, I decided I was determined to punish myself for one last night just to prove my strength of resistance (to myself). My friend texted that same night that she was jumping back on the wagon (or jumping off the wagon, whichever means she was enjoying delicious wine a night before me). She was positive that I would be happy for her, and she was right.
I was recently reminded that I need other humans. Even if many individuals annoy me and I necessitate alone time to function, I realize my communication with others is a connection that my soul requires. I have had the support of various people throughout my life while I experienced trials, tribulations & celebrations. However, no matter who has been beside me or behind me, following or leading, I created my journey with each decision and am solely responsible with the outcomes.
This past week sucked enough to make me question if the pay off to feel bad ass was worth the times a drink would have hit the spot. I am determined to find some good from the experiment, though, so here we go:
- Not drinking made me get tired later instead of earlier, so, for a change, I was not the first person in the house to fall asleep every night. (Admittedly, extra caffeine intake could also be credited for this achievement.)
- Since I was more awake when going to bed, I remembered to take my daily vitamins.
- My time apart from wine will undoubtedly increase my appreciation for it while also making a little bit go a longer way, which is an economic gain.
- I was able to view drinking as a spectator sport, which enables me to be more cognizant of myself when I decide to play.
- I rediscovered my moral code to stick with what I commit to as an author, even though readers can’t see or hear me. Therefore, I realized that my plans to have a published book and to live happily at a somewhere-south-of-Indiana location have a more solid foundation than either of my marriages.
- I am going to experiment with live video when I get on/off the wagon on 5-1-2020 at 6pm for my Enhanced Wine Appreciation & anything that makes you stretch past the normal box of life was worth the effort.
Very inspirational. If you put your mind on doing something then you can do it just have to be strong and stick with it. Love reading your Blogs ❤❤
Thank you so much Miss Cheryl! Somehow a TacOcaT goal is easier to focus on than depriving myself of adult beverages. lol Appreciate you stopping in to read! 🙂