Risking What's Up Ahead
One discussion I remember from a college psychology class was nature vs. nurture. When I was an elementary teacher, I found this debate to be a null point during parent-teacher conferences, when it was extremely evident which character traits fell not far from the apple tree. Are we born this way or did we become the way we are isn’t really a black and white line, though, because our propensities vary according to the topic at hand. Specifically for me, when it comes to risky behavior, I run a deep gray.
Given the reactions I am trying not to observe all around me during the current pandemic, I am resonating more with the risk takers of the world. Fact in point, I only have 1 package of toilet paper at home at the time of this writing and I’m not packin’ hand sanitizer every time I leave the house. Likewise, in the area of relationships, I operate with the same reckless abandon.
Despite past experiences, I agree with Lord Alfred Tennyson in that I wouldn’t trade the thrilling ride of love for a safe, boring journey without it. Traveling through life donning my heart on my sleeve has surely provided a more emotional expedition and I’ve finally decided to perceive it as an esteemed blood inheritance. Although it’s risky behavior for Future Me, I appreciate this fierce, all balls in attitude that my heart upholds each go-round.
Conversely, I’m the biggest weeny when it comes money. I have been asked by accountants if I consider myself risky, mids, or conservative; I avoid eye contact as I check the box towards the bottom. I have exchanged freedom and creative expression for a weekly pay check that provides a set amount with insurance for most of my adult life (perhaps all of it but it hurts to think about it). I own this less celebrated quality about myself to the nurture part of the equation. With parents born at the end of World War II, lack mentality permeated my formative 18 years as well as the hoarding that accompanies it. Add to that the responsibility of raising 3 children and I have been too fearful to leave the consistency of the rat race.
Possibly due to amount of time spent on the road, my two contrasting sides of risk-taking behavior remind me an experience I have from time to time as a driver. As I’m sure all drivers do, I occasionally find myself behind an unreasonably slow moving vehicle. 9 times out of 10 the operator is holding up the passing lane and I can’t see beyond to know what’s up ahead. When this happens, I have two choices. I can press impatience a bit, go outside the guidelines (suggestions, really) of the BMV, haul ass and pass. Or I can hang tight and trust there is a perfectly good reason the person is not even going the speed limit. I find it interesting that I fall on a different side of the line on any given day…
Possibly due to amount of time spent on the road, my two contrasting sides of risk-taking behavior remind me an experience I have from time to time as a driver. As I’m sure all drivers do, I occasionally find myself behind an unreasonably slow moving vehicle. 9 times out of 10 the operator is holding up the passing lane and I can’t see beyond to know what’s up ahead. When this happens, I have two choices. I can press impatience a bit, go outside the guidelines (suggestions, really) of the BMV, haul ass and pass. Or I can hang tight and trust there is a perfectly good reason the person is not even going the speed limit. I find it interesting that I fall on a different side of the line on any given day…
The outcome is never certain on any given day, either. Sometimes when I pass, I find the slow driver had a perfectly good reason for being muy lento. But sometimes, I pass and find the gates of heaven opening. I immediately wish I would have realized it even sooner and I feel sorry for the drivers still back there thinking the slow arse has an actual reason to be slow. The poor souls just don’t know what they don’t know, kind of like people who don’t mobile order Starbucks yet.
One of my favorite authors, Jen Sincero, has suggested doing something that scares the shit out of you from time to time-press the limits to live life a little. I have this down pat in some areas of my life, but for TacOcaT, I will have to push myself outside the walls of my normal box. Even though I don’t know what to expect about what is up ahead, maintaining focus on the worst to come isn’t a characteristic I care to claim. Although this may mean the purchase of a bidet is imminent, I am going to let my less responsible side deal with that when the time comes.