Balance 2.0
The word ‘balance’ has crossed my mind a handful of times over the past week, to the point that writing to figure out my thoughts became inevitable. This motivated me to look up a blog I previously posted about the topic. About two years ago, I was attempting to find balance between house projects, working out, mommin’ 3 offsprings and holding down a 45 hour a week, soul-sucking job. Since writing for me is similar to talking through a problem, I wasn’t surprised to find my mental in such a different place now; once I get something off my chest, I’ve marked a post and can move beyond the moment. But the fact that my goal of balance now is to simply feel normal again can’t go unnoticed.
I am now teetering between keeping myself equipped with knowledge and developing anxiety. I aim to complete house projects while also giving due diligence to catching up on much needed rest. I am experimenting with recipes while trying to maintain the figure I had when I visited the gym at least 3 days a week. I get out just enough to maintain support of the local economy while not losing my absolute shit staying inside the same walls and doing the same things day in and day out. In other words, I am currently trying to make my life feel as normal as possible while being astutely aware that all hell is breaking loose around me.
Even while struggling with the juggle, though, I recognize that I am living the most balanced existence of all of the occupants of my house. I still go to work and the grocery store, which were the two places I’ve always spent most of my time anyways. We have all dipped into moments that show the hysteria of having the normal way of life completely disrupted and turned upside down. My teenager cried because she wanted to go to school. I realize in the scheme of things that this can’t exactly be considered a bad thing, but, seriously, what kind of twilight zone does this prove that we are living in?
A little over a month ago, a person walking into a store donning gloves and a mask would have stirred fright in the soul of any cashier. Now the same individual is considered a socially responsible citizen, and me, the person who avoids masks and the hyperventilation that accompanies them, is seen as the odd ball. I’ve seen couples at the grocery store-one person wearing a mask and one not- kissing each other as they exited. This doesn’t seem to add up. I saw another lady wearing gloves and touching everything in the store…followed by touching her money, face, and car with the same gloves. Some individuals have shamed people who are heading to hardware stores for non-essentials while others support home improvement during a time of crisis as it may just be the engagement an addict needs to stay straight. The bottom line to all of this? Aren’t we all doing our best in a time when no one is truly certain of anything?
While I am confident in a light at the end of this tunnel, I’m not marking plans for a graduation open house in permanent ink. And, though I hate to admit it, I’m afraid parts of now will become the new norm. Will companies continue playing messages to the public on loop about how important and essential they are to existence? Will gloves and masks be expected and hand shakes and hugs be avoided like the plague? When I saw my 80+ year old aunt at the grocery store and it felt more proper to not hug her than to embrace, something inside of me ached. Will I always ponder if handing my pen over to someone who needs to jot a quick note is a kind gesture or an awkwardly germy offer?
The opinion of some is that we shouldn’t go back to the way it used to be. I believe they are referring to a new level of cognizance about cleanliness. While I don’t prefer a plastic guard between me and someone I interact with, it doesn’t end my world. However, limited breathing while bending over to trim and paint my pinky toe nail is the end of a paid-pedicure world that I didn’t want to end. I can live without my hair stylist, eyelash appointments and draft beers, but I don’t want to. Can’t the change that takes place be a new-found appreciation for the simple pleasures that are often-times taken for granted?
Not much has changed since my post nearly two weeks ago as I still don’t know what to think and so I mostly find it better to give efforts not to. As I creep up on my extra powerful, hormonal moments ahead, I have set a goal of balance between input/output, listening/talking, reading/writing, action/nurturing and thinking/meditating. I love my isolation time, but also find it extremely important to socialize (albeit, at a distance) now more than ever. I find stable footing in knowing the following truths: strangers are not the enemy, “this too shall pass” and a silver lining can always be found if an intention is set to seek one.
I love this! It’s good to know we are all having the same thoughts, fears and questions. I believe there’s light at the end of the tunnel and we will easily adapt to whatever is to come. Stay safe and healthy my friend 😊
Thank you for reading, Effy! I respect you very much because you exemplify a strong, intelligent female. I always appreciate your positivity. Wellness & peace to you and yours as well.
Good positive opinion! Wish others thought the same;)