Where is the Love?
I’m happy to report that I finally enjoyed two dates after 18 months of solo trips and catching tabs to feed myself. In that regards, thumbs up to OkCupid for providing me with an ability to meet guys outside of the gym (if you remember this post: Blessings in Adversity) or married dads at baseball games. Even better, there were no penis pics or sexual innuendos before the dates (if you remember this post: ISO: Opinions about Dating Apps). Between my times out with the suitors and my recent trips out alone, though, I keep hearing the Black Eyed Peas following me around, as if singing my theme song.
If you know me at all, you know I’m the least bit old-fashioned. I remember telling my high school sweet heart one time that receiving flowers or stuffed animals as gifts wouldn’t impress me at all. What can I say? At the time, I enjoyed candy. I have grown to see how being presented with flowers for no special reason can have a romantic flare, but I honestly still respect a more practical approach to presents.
In the same regards, while I wouldn’t want any other human to let a door close in my face if they are going through it in front of me, I don’t expect a man to go out of his way to open my door. I’m actually put-off by waiting to do something I can do myself, so in the scheme of receiving help, I will take it if it makes sense. Which, at Lowe’s the other day, it would have made perfect sense. (Cue in the Black Eyed Peas.) I had unevenly loaded 14 bags of landscaping rocks on a rickety, rusty push cart. As I struggled to zig zag my way to the checkout line and again to my car, I passed no less than 10 strapping men-some with companions, some without. Not one person offered me help. This makes me think that the independence of women has come at a price; I have to believe the men felt that I would be offended if they thought I needed assistance. I have to believe that because the alternative thought is that people have just become jerks.
My children and I have a practice of texting each other when we are in for the night. I have joint custody and they are often with friends, so I sleep better when I know they are in safe no matter where they land. They ask that I do the same. My friends and I have a similar set-up. “Text when you get home,” is the last thing said between us, and when the friend inevitably forgets, we send a check-in text. My two recent dates, both with intelligent men, ended around 11 pm, when it was purely dark outside. Neither man asked me to let him know when I got in safely. Even when I type this, I’m wondering, “Damn! Have I turned old-fashioned?” but I honestly think with the ease of texting that this is a simple, common courtesy between people parting ways at night or when traveling long distances.
And then…there’s my workplace. You know, the company that not only inspired ‘The Art of Appreciation’ but is also the legacy behind the Great Staple Project of 2019. None of the administration in my office blesses others when they sneeze. Having that as a trained, automatic response in my world makes me highly skeptical of anyone not willing to throw out a blessing when the opportunity presents itself. Alas, I can overlook this with all of the PC mumbo jumbo that’s going around these days and I realize that sneezing isn’t a life-threatening occurrence. However, one day I was full-throttle choking on a little snack at my desk. It was the kind of lingering choking that made me wonder if I was going to have to go hunt down another human to help me through the situation. The caveat here is that I share an office with my boss and am in earshot of another admin. For them to not feel moved to check on me when my esophagus was very clearly impeded makes me again wonder, “Where is the love?”
As I promised in my post about the racket of kid sporting events, though, I will not just write a bitch session and walk away. So, I have taken these moments to reflect inwardly. When someone sneezes, I have a loud a$$, “Bless you!” triggered and ready for offering when his or her nostrils are clear. When another human is very clearly on the verge of creating a mess or making a complete ass of themselves, I put on my cape and rush to the impending scene. Most certainly, I ask others to let me know that they are safe. The inspiration to write this has reminded me that instead of looking around for the love, I have to remember to look in.